"Go ahead, Judy, talk to your father. What do you want to say?" With these words offered by my favorite Aunt Mimi, I was given the greatest giftthe gift of myself.Mimi and I had gone on an aunt-niece shopping adventure, and at age 15, I became the proud owner of my first mini-skirt. Upon seeing it, my dad hit the roof, and as usual, I was angry, scared, and tongue-tied. Years of admonitions to not "talk back," had my voice stopped in my throat.Before that moment, I didn't know that I could have wishes of my own, schooled as I was in pleasing others. How could I speak my thoughts if I didn't know I had them? But with Mimi at my side, I was emboldened. I had an ally. And I found words.I opened my mouth and talked to my father. I don't remember exactly what I said - it's not important anyway.

What's important is that I talked to him. I found my self - my sense of authority over what I wanted to wear and why, my feelings in that moment, and the quiet power that comes with the acknowledgment of these things. Every time words get stuck in my throat, that moment comes to mind, and I think: "Judy, what do you want to say?" And I find my self, and the words come.This was the greatest gift I ever received from another human being. And it was a gift I could share with my father. As I found the weight of my own convictions, I was able to communicate with him in a new way - not to hurt, retaliate, prove a point, or to show him how wrong he was, but to remove a barrier and let him see a part of me I'd not ventured to show before.

It was a gift to both of us. In the spirit of giving, what will you give yourself and your relationships? Is there a "stuckness" somewhere that could be freed up by finding your center and communicating in a new way with someone you love? Are you hiding? Or are you expecting someone to guess your feelings? Give them and yourself the greatest gift.

Judy Ringer

Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help organizations manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a positive work environment.

The author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, Ringer provides training throughout the U.S. and Canada with unique workshops based on mind/body principles from the martial art aikido, in which she holds a black belt. In addition, she uses her expertise in several best practice communication models to bring to life key concepts such as self-management under pressure and appreciation of other viewpoints. Her programs are interactive, experiential and energetic.

Clients include Maine Medical Center, The National Institutes of Health, BAE Systems, Sony Corporation, Honda of America Manufacturing, Bose Corporation, Maine General Health, The American Red Cross, The National Education Association, and the States of New Hampshire and Vermont.

She has written numerous articles on the relevance and application of the aikido metaphor to conflict and communication, including articles for Aikido Today Magazine and The Systems Thinker. She is the author of two newsletters, including the award-winning Ki Moments, and the book, Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict.

Ringer is also chief instructor of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH. She can be reached at judy@judyringer.com.