My oldest niece, Kim, recently became engaged to her best friend, and called to ask if I would do her wedding. Of course I agreed without hesitation, because she is my niece and it also helps that I have met and really like her fianc!

I live in Illinois and they live in California, so the logistics of timing for the wedding are the first order of business. The date needs to be set for a time that I can easily travel west to preside over the wedding, and when she and her fianc can afford the ceremony they want to have. Both of them are close to 30 years old and would like to marry soon, but neither of them makes a lot of money, and their parents are not in positions to finance the ceremony they would all like. So in our last conversation, Kim sadly told me that the wedding would likely not occur for at least a year and a half from now, maybe even closer to two years, so they can save for the wedding theyve dreamed of having.

Kim and her fianc dont want to live together before they are married for religious reasons, but they are very eager to begin their new life together. So they were depressed to find out they had to wait so long to get married, especially because that also means putting off starting a family, which they both very much want. They thought about having something small so they could get married sooner, but neither of them wanted to have to give up the ceremony they both really wanted.

So thats when I suggested that they consider getting married, legally, by the state, (at the county courthouse where they would get their license). And then put off the spiritual ceremony, or wedding itself, until a later date. They could have their parents and other family attend the legal marriage ceremony, presided over by a judge and then wait a year or more to have the wedding service itself. That way theyd have more time to save money and plan for the perfect wedding theyve always wanted.

Because I see marriages and weddings as two different things. The County Clerks Office is the agency that legitimizes a marriage in the legal sense they are the entity to which you apply for a marriage license, and they are, similarly, the office where the records are kept. The minister or other officiant has to fill out paperwork and mail it back to the county where the marriage is recorded and until that is done, the marriage is not legal. A wedding, on the other hand, is a more of a spiritual or family affair a celebration of the union of two people, without much concern for legal issues. Very few ministers even utter the words by the power vested in me by the State of in a wedding service these days, and the focus of a wedding is the couple and their life together, not on the legality of their union.

So why not consider separating the two? There are many reasons and many couples this might work out for, not just my niece and her fianc. Perhaps money is not the issue, but other circumstances might make a large wedding inconvenient at a particular time. Difficulty of travel for family members, or illness, or any number of a variety of other reasons might make it more practical for a couple to consider getting legally married at one time, and having their wedding ceremony at another time.

Whatever the case, its an idea worth considering, and I hope my niece and her fianc will give it some thought.