It is important to recognize our hidden beliefs about our true nature. The bottom line -- do we think we are complete or incomplete, full of inherent value and goodness, or possibly without value and flawed? If we think we have to create improvement or value in ourselves, then we are operating from the basic negative assumptions about our nature. Many people come to therapy thinking they have to improve something about themselves without realizing this means they believe they are flawed in some way that hopefully can be fixed. Believing in this way that our essential value is variable, fragile, and conditional is like believing the sun is destroyed on a cloudy day and has to be recreated. This would indeed be an awesome and stressful dilemma. Remember how we humans were terrified that eclipses were the destruction of the sun? We solved this misinterpreted dilemma with magical thinking and ritual. Magical thinking persists in our analysis of our personal obstacles. Here is a common example I encountered recently online. A hypnotherapist asked for help: "I am seeing someone who said she has very low confidence. Does anyone have a good script for this? I really feel she needs some major confidence boosting." If we believe that confidence is like a substance that can be low, like oil in our car, and accept the presumption that we have to boost its volume, I think we are on a constant stressful maintenance schedule. This was my reply: "We have natural confidence built in. It is life's confidence in itself - the confidence to breathe us and to beat our hearts. It is always present and unwavering. If we accept that, then lack of confidence is seen for what it is -- believing negative judgments about oneself and about life. Help the client stop believing negative judgments, and their natural sense of well-being and "confidence" will emerge. Building confidence based on performance is still encouraging the client to believe in judgment, even though it may be positive. Better to connect with the aliveness that embodies confidence and that doesn't rely on good or bad judgment about our ability to do things." I meet the same concern almost everyday with clients. They believe they can't do something because they don't have enough confidence as if it was a magical psychic substance that could be produced or boosted. I think we "can't" do things because we choose not to because we are listening to judging thoughts (and seeing bad pictures) in our mind. Dissipate the judging thoughts (clouds) and the ever-present fully complete confidence (the sun) is right there shining on everything. Yes, ending the influence of the judgments takes effort, but it is a vibrant effort free of fear because you know the sun of confidence is already perfectly there. If we think we are trying to create a sun of confidence by our efforts, it is a fearful effort because we could fail! Spend some time believing that the missing quality for you is fully present and that your task is merely to experience its rays burning off the cloud cover as you contemplate the unsubstantial nature of the clouds (negative judgements have no merit). Copyright 2006, Jack Elias, All Rights Reserved. |
